John McCain claims that if elected he would save taxpayers millions by eliminating the Secret Service and defending himself instead.
More coverage at: http://onion.com The Onion: McCain Declines Sec |
The Obama campaign is cautiously optimistic after initial reports indicated that most of the people killed were registered Republicans. The Onion: Gunman Kills 15 Pot |
Experts advise that anyone venturing outdoors should be on the lookout for extremely crunchy leaves and winds as high as 12 mph. The Onion: Meteorologists Pred |
In response to Republican attacks, Barack Obama unleashed a series of slightly negative ads that gently point out how McCain could be doing a better job. The Onion: Obama Runs Construc |
A survey by the Shuttleworth Research Center found that the majority of male roommates ages 18-24 got wasted off their asses the previous evening.
More coverage at: http://onion.com The Onion: 80 Percent Of Roomm |
In The Know: Panelists discuss a new report that found only 84% of education funding goes to teaching children about whales.
More coverage at: http://onion.com The Onion: Are Our Children Le |
An Albany, New York man was surprised to find a human head in his Double Whopper at a local Burger King.
More coverage at: http://onion.com The Onion: Human Head Found In |
Critic claims The Weather Channel shamelessly overreports stories on hurricanes and weekend forecasts at the expense of other news. The Onion: Weather Channel Acc |
Time Magazine's eagerly anticipated annual list of the 299 million least influential Americans hits newsstands this week.
More coverage at: http://onion.com The Onion: Time Releases List |
Is that compliment real or not? A new report tells you how to know the difference.
More coverage at: http://onion.com The Onion: Report - 70 Percent |
A new study finds that having sick friends may improve your physique.
More coverage at: http://onion.com The Onion: A Friend's Cancer, |
Two astronauts on the International Space Station display courage, honor, and squeaky voices as they struggle to patch a deadly helium leak. The Onion: Astronauts Suffer D |
What you should NOT do on Halloween. Patton Oswalt's (Ratatouille) stand up comedy at The Purple Onion in San Francisco, California.
tags: crackle purple onion standup comedy comic san francisco patton oswalt ratatouille halloween drunk party children Purple Onion: Patton Oswalt - |
Campaign officials downplayed the incident, saying the senator was fine as soon as he was fed and taken to the bathroom. The Onion: McCain Left On Camp |
Disney claims its latest batch of child stars is so lifelike, youll barely be able to tell they have no souls. The Onion: Disney Geneticists |
In this installment of Beyond The Facts, a precocious 8-year-old girl participates in grown-up politics by spreading smears and lies. The Onion: Gifted Youngster Se |
http://www.12shinynickels.com
http://www.aliwong.com The Onion Comedy Show's Ali Wo |
Despite the media's portrayal of her, Cindy McCain says she is a down-to-earth person who enjoys breathing oxygen and consuming earth food for energy. The Onion: Cindy McCain Just L |
Despite ethical concerns about testing on humans, researchers say their work was necessary to determine the boundary between garbage and food. The Onion: Domino's Tests Limi |
Two prospective Eagle Scouts explain how they are preventing breast cancer by helping women examine their breasts. The Onion: 12-Year-Old Boy Sco |
